


smile (but only if you mean it)

by afoldedpapermoon



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Yvesoul - Freeform, chuuves - Freeform, kinda angsty, kinda lipsoul, long as hell im sorry, sooyoung is going thru it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 05:16:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18230423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afoldedpapermoon/pseuds/afoldedpapermoon
Summary: she feels the tattoo starting to form before she sees it.huh.that’s new.or; sooyoung is jinsoul’s soulmate.however, jinsoul’s words never appear on her best friend’s wrist.





	smile (but only if you mean it)

**Author's Note:**

> in which the first words you speak to your soulmate appear on their arm as a tattoo.
> 
>  
> 
> u don’t have to read my hyewon fic to understand this one, but they do go together.
> 
> a reading today!

she was 13 when she saw sooyoung for the first time.

she was walking down the halls of her school, books in hand when she bumped into a much larger body, causing all her papers to fly to the ground around her. the boy she bumped into simply rolled his eyes and scoffed as he walked away.

she was used to that kind of treatment, though. she was always the top of her classes, completing even the most complex problems way before her peers. apparently this caused a lot of jealousy amongst her classmates.

breathing out a heavy sigh, jinsoul begrudgingly knelt down to pick up her notes— willing tears not to fall from her eyes. 

suddenly, she felt another body crouch beside hers. she looked up, expecting some other jock to be there— just waiting to humiliate her. instead she was met with the soft brown eyes of ha sooyoung. the girl offered jinsoul a soft smile as she helped her pick up the scattered papers. 

she swears she had never seen a smile that pretty in her life.

they become good friends. sooyoung reveals to her that she’s struggling with biology, and her mom is far too busy at the hospital to help her. jinsoul takes it upon herself to personally tutor the girl, meeting up at her house at least once a week— which leads to her also meeting sooyoung’s little sisters. the three soon become a huge part of jinsoul’s life. they show her kindness that no other kids at her school are willing to offer. 

—and 3 years later, when the siblings are left without a mother; she makes sure to show them the same kindness and empathy that they had shown her.

in her junior year of high school, she tells her sister all about the fantasy she had created about meeting her soulmate. about the beautiful smile the other girl would giver her, and the overwhelming happiness she would feel from that day forward.

“it just sounds to me like you’re describing how you met sooyoung,” chaewon says. 

jinsoul’s fantasy world is promptly shattered.

her wanting her soulmate to have a nice smile wasn’t weird. in fact, that’s something pretty basic that every person wants. it had absolutely nothing to do with her best friend.

chaewon bursts out laughing when jinsoul tells her that. 

clearly her sister was insane.

that night she falls asleep dreaming of a smile eerily similar to that of a bunny.

well fuck.

——

four years later she finds herself in her professors office, sooyoung by her side while they beg for their grades to be raised. the entire course sooyoung had constantly distracted jinsoul, the two of them laughing and talking at the back of the class rather than paying attention.

even jinsoul’s smarts couldn’t save her this time.

she’s found it a common theme for her over the past few years— letting sooyoung distract her. she’s always been focused, since her years of elementary school. but she had been winding up in more and more situations that she had to try and talk her way out of, all because her friend constantly decided she was bored. 

thank god the brunette was charming.

sooyoung receives an angry stare from the now blonde, (as per chaewon’s demand) as they exit the building, grades now barely high enough to be passing the class. jinsoul only gets a giggle from her in return, fuelling her anger.

“you’ve got to start listening in class. and you’ve got to stop distracting me,” she snaps, walking a few paces ahead of the older girl.

“come on, doll, it’s your choice to let yourself be distracted by me. you could easily tell me to shut up,” sooyoung whines, almost running to keep up with the blonde.

if only she knew.

jinsoul sighs heavily, slowing her pace.

“at least promise me you’ll make an effort?” she begs. sooyoung stares at her in return, nodding her head slightly.

she notices the change in mood, how the brunette stared ahead blankly as they walked on. but sooyoung almost always acted like that, now. the light had slowly drained from her eyes after her mom left, the stress of it all turning them a shade darker; and she never gave anyone a genuine smile anymore.

jinsoul feels sympathy for the girl after thinking about how hard sooyoung had to work to raise her sisters. how much she had to sacrifice. if talking at the back of their business class offered the girl a break from the stress she was under, the blonde guesses she could sacrifice one of her marks. but it was quickly becoming a habit of hers to give in to sooyoung. she pats her friend on the back soothingly, 

—and breaks.

“okay. we can fuck around in the back of class. but you’re the one doing the talking when we have to beg for our grades to be raised again.”

sooyoung giggles again, grabbing the girl’s hand and pulling her towards her apartment.

yeah, it was going to be a long semester.

——

she would be lying if she said she had never hoped sooyoung was her soulmate. during the entire first year they met, jinsoul had been on edge every time the other girl spoke to her, anticipating a burning sensation on her wrist. most of her hope dwindled out after a year of nothing. 

—and then all of her hope dwindled out when sooyoung suddenly proclaimed that the soulmate system was bullshit, and she would never speak to her soulmate if she happened to find them.

jinsoul thought it was just a phase the older girl was going through after the pain she experienced from her mom, but her friend never stopped expressing her distain for the marks on people’s wrists.

she’s at the family’s house, helping hyejoo with her chemistry homework when hyunjin bursts through the front door, doubled over and panting.

the two girls try and ask what’s wrong, when hyunjin bursts into tears, flopping herself into the waiting arms of her twin. after a few moments of sobbing, she calms down enough to present her wrist to the two girls.

‘i think you dropped this’

those were the words engraved onto her skin. 

jinsoul is about to launch into an encouraging speech in an effort to persuade the younger girl to go find her soulmate when sooyoung comes downstairs, sees the mark on hyunjin’s wrists, and scoffs— lips turning into a sneer.

“don’t worry, we’ll get that thing off of you,” she says, reaching to stroke her sisters hair.

so much for encouraging the girl.

now every time she saw someone with words in their wrist, jinsoul picked up on how the brunette would tense up. clearly she wasn’t going through a phase at 16. 

she was genuinely disgusted by the idea of soulmates.

but that didn’t matter, she wasn’t sooyoung’s soulmate anyways.

god help the person who was.  
——

her ice cream drips down her wrist, leaving a bright pink stain down her white sleeve, and onto the curb she sat on.

“at least get a napkin, stupid,” hyunjin scoffs. she stays silent, eyes focused on her dessert.

“shut up, furry, you’re ugly,” sooyoung fires back, making both of her sisters whine. she rolls her eyes at them.

“you’re fraternal twins.”

hyejoo and hyunjin both shrug, attention now completely on the animal crossing game on the older twin’s phone.

she feels a tap on her shoulder, but still refuses to look up. suddenly she feels soft fingers under her chin, forcing her eyes to meet sooyoung’s. she sees the concerned look in the other’s eyes, her head tilted as a wordless way to ask “are you ok?” 

she stares at her friend for another long moment before nodding her head slightly. last night she had been forced away from her studies, as sooyoung had found herself drunk off her ass at some random frat party; meaning jinsoul had to go pick her up. that was the third time in the last week she had to do that.

suddenly, hyejoo jumps up beside her, exclaiming that her older sister must immediately drive them home, because chaewon was releasing her soundcloud album that night and she wanted to be with her for it.

yes— sooyoung and jinsoul’s sisters were soulmates.

at first, she set them up on a blind date as a way to pull hyejoo out of her shell a bit more. but then her sister had walked into her room, startlingly slow, staring at her wrist in shock. apparently she had found her soulmate— at the apple store. jinsoul then put the pieces together.

a few nights later she forced hyejoo out of her bed and sent a giddy chaewon to go meet her soulmate. and as happy as she was for her baby sister, she couldn’t help but let another feeling overpower her.

jealousy.

she’s pulled out of her daydream when she hears a smooth voice speak in her ear.

“see you later, doll,” sooyoung had said.

she was the only one that ever called her that nickname.

as she watches the siblings walk away, suddenly a burning pain shoots through her arm, making her drop her long-melted cone.

she’s confused until she sees it;

the words ‘see you later doll’ start to engrave themselves on her wrist.

huh.

that’s new.

——

a week later, she finds herself standing outside sooyoung’s door. after an entire week of avoiding her friend, restless nights spent mulling over her new tattoo, and a couple pep talks from her kid neighbor, yeojin; jinsoul finally thinks she has enough courage to face the girl.

she had expressed to yeojin how scared she was of her friend completely shutting her out after seeing the mark on her wrist, but the kid assures her that if anyone could change sooyoung’s mind about soulmates, it would be jinsoul.

she supposes she’s right. she was the only person who knew the brunette as deeply as she did. the only one who picked her up drunk on a wednesday night, or reassured her over the phone when the other girl cried about how she ruined her sisters lives by raising them. she was her soulmate. and regardless of how sooyoung felt, that wouldn’t change between them.

she knocks on the door, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

sooyoung opens it, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. the girl had obviously been crying.

“what happened?” the blonde asks.

her friend chuckles humourlessly and holds up her wrist. 

“i bumped into my soulmate today,” she sneers.

oh.

——

her name is jiwoo.

that’s what sooyoung tells her. she’s a music major— a freshman at their school. the girl had come up to the brunette between classes, asking if she knew a jeon heejin. 

‘can i ask you something?’

those are the words etched into sooyoung’s skin. 

jinsoul pulls her sleeve down as far as it can go.

she stays with the girl, laying beside her in silence until hyejoo walks in and tells jinsoul to go home and study. 

“you’re studying robotics and engineering — that’s not something you can bullshit your way through,” the girl had said after the blonde refused to leave.

so now here she was, sitting all alone in her room, trying to go over her studies.

she had originally wanted to be a doctor, but the way sooyoung’s body tensed when she mentioned the idea lead to her switching her major. that was just one of many stupid things she had done for the other girl.

she wasn’t usually a very easy person to push around. but something about her friend made her do things she knew she shouldn’t. 

chaewon is the one to break the news to her— she’s in love.

she made sure to keep her tattoo hidden under long sleeves and concealer every time she left her apartment. she pretended like it wasn’t there, because obviously it was just a fluke.

when sooyoung finally decides to leave her house, jinsoul finds herself at a party holding a red solo cup, drunkenly dancing on anyone close enough.

if she was bad, sooyoung was ten times worse.

the girl hadn’t stopped drinking since she stepped foot into the building, immediately finding some girls from her dance team to flirt with.

jinsoul takes a break, opting to lean against the wall, searching for her friend. she spots her after a few minutes and starts moving towards her. 

but she immediately stops when she sees who the girl is talking to.

sooyoung and jiwoo are staring at eachother in silence.

jinsoul starts walking faster, stumbling over her feet in an attempt to save jiwoo from the viscous words she knew the older girl would spit at her.

but then she sees it.

sooyoung doesn’t start to yell at the girl; instead she gives her a smile.

a genuine smile.

suddenly the alcohol hits her at once.

——

hyejoo drives her home in silence. the other girl was clearly not happy about being woken at midnight, but jinsoul had run out of options.

she stops the car, but the older girl makes no move to get out. they sit together, both staring blankly ahead until hyejoo speaks.

“i know you’re in love with my sister,” she says bluntly.

jinsoul just shrugs, biting one of her nails. hyejoo rips the hand out of her mouth.

“you need to get over yourself. you need to learn how to let her be,” she tells her. clearly she wasn’t in the mood for empathy.

“i have no clue what you mean.”

hyejoo scoffs at her. “she’s tearing herself down. she has been ever since mom. but she’s starting to bring you down with her, and i don’t want that,” she says.

jinsoul closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. she feels like she’s suffocating.

“goodnight, hye. thanks for picking me up.”

jinsoul falls into her bed, immediately falling asleep. she wakes up a few hours later to a text.

sooyoungie <3: i think u already left but just in case ur looking for me, i’m getting a ride home from jiwoo

okay, that stung a little bit.

the next day she shows the message to yeojin, who is very vocal about her distain for sooyoung.

“fuck jiwoo!” she exclaims from where she’s seated on her couch.

jinsoul shushes her harshly. 

“don’t say words like that, you’re 13,” she says sternly, making the preteen shrink back into the cushions.

yeojin was a good kid— really. she just had a knack for getting in trouble, thus why jinsoul found herself babysitting the young girl on a saturday night while the girl’s moms— vivi and haseul— went out to the club.

“if you’re gonna be annoying, just leave. i’m 13, not 5. i don’t need a babysitter anymore,” she huffs, crossing her arms like a 5 year old would.

jinsoul rolls her eyes. “maybe if you didn’t do stupid shit like leave dead frogs on your teachers desk, neither of us would have to be here,” she reminds her.

this time yeojin rolls her eyes. she was the only one who actually knew the whole story, as jinsoul’s closest friends were all related to sooyoung somehow and her sister had a big mouth. even though the kid couldn’t give her any solid advice, it was nice to have someone to talk to.

“have you heard back from that study abroad thing?” yeojin asks.

actually, jinsoul had heard back. she applied to a program in los angeles a little over a month ago for biomedical engineering— fully expecting to get shut down. it was one of the most prestigious programs in the world, and the procedures being done there were revolutionary. 

to her surprise, she was accepted.

but sooyoung asked her to stay.

so she turned it down.

she hides that from yeojin though, already knowing the kid would never let her hear the end of it. 

“well if they call you, i think you should go. clearly you’re not getting anything done here,” she says.

jinsoul leans back in her chair.

well damn, if only someone told her that a month ago.

——

she sees sooyoung again two days later. needless to say, the girl was not in good shape.

she reeked of booze and looked like a zombie. jinsoul was tired of it. she thinks about what hyejoo said to her in the car a few nights ago. about sooyoung dragging her down.

well she hates to admit it, but the little bitch might be right. 

because standing here, gently stroking the brunettes head as she vomits up a weeks worth of food is definitely not benefitting her.

when she’s done, the older girl leans back against the toilet, panting with effort.

“i spoke to jiwoo,” she says hoarsely.

jinsoul raises an eyebrow.

“i told her about everything that happened with my mom.”

the blonde blinks in response.

“she told me that she was sorry, but that i needed to get my shit together,” she says, laughing at the end. “can you believe she’d say something like that?”

“yeah actually i can,” jinsoul huffs, looking down at the state of the older girl.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?” sooyoung grumbles, crossing her arms angrily.

“you really don’t see it, do you?” 

sooyoung rolls her eyes. “see what?” she snaps harshly.

jinsoul physically feels the anger rise in her body.

“you wanna know why your sisters don’t like talking to you anymore? why people side-eye you in the halls? why your soulmate won’t even put up with your shit?” jinsoul seethes, every emotion she had felt over the past few weeks bubbling up inside of her.

“it’s because you’re a mess, sooyoung. and i know that you’ve had to be way more selfless than any kid should, but since your sisters turned 18, you haven’t given a shit about anyone but yourself.”

sooyoung stares at her blankly.

“get out.”

jinsoul makes sure to slam the door behind her.

——

it takes 12 hours for hyunjin to call her, begging for her to reconcile with her sister. apparently sooyoung was still a mess even after jinsoul’s little rant.

it’s too bad that she was the only one willing to put up with the brunette’s shit.

hyunjin gives her a warning— either jinsoul comes and helps her, or she leaves her sister all alone.

chaewon is the one who answers for her, grabbing the girl’s phone out of her hand and saying three simple words;

“let her rot.”

before she hangs up.

she had called her sister over, which meant that she had also called hyejoo over— because for some reason they couldn’t go 5 minutes away from eachother. chaewon says it’s separation anxiety. jinsoul just thinks they’re pussies.

but then she remembers the situation she’s in. 

maybe the clown emojis hyejoo and hyunjin constantly sent did have some resemblance to her.

she explains everything to the two girls, even going as far as showing them her tattoo, something she hadn’t shown anyone.

chaewon is seething, stomping around her room listing ways to kill sooyoung in her sleep.

but hyejoo just sits and stares at her patiently.

when her soulmate finally calms down, she speaks.

“remember when i had a crush on yerim?” she asks, making chaewon huff.

jinsoul nods.

“i thought my world would end when she found her soulmate. honestly. you remember how i stayed in my room for at least a week? i was devestated,” she recalls. chaewon grabs her hand comfortingly.

“you know what i did?” she asks.

jinsoul tilts her head in response.

“i stayed away.”

okay, how was that supposed to be advice? she was already clearly staying away from sooyoung. she’s about to say just that when hyejoo speaks again.

“and that was just a little crush. but jinsoul... you’re in love. and i think that you ignoring her calls isn’t going to help you, because eventually we all know you’ll give into her. so i think you should call the dean in los angeles,” she finishes, staring directly into the blonde’s eyes.

the three of them stay silent for a long moment. 

“much to think about....” chaewon whispers.

yeah, that was an understatement.

hyejoo grabs her hand and squeezes it. she takes jinsoul’s phone with her other hand, and asks for the number of the school.

jinsoul waits a long moment, thinking about her options.

but hyejoo was right. she was being pulled down. she had felt like she was suffocating every day since that tattoo formed on her wrist.

she pulls out a sheet of paper and reads her the number.

——

it’s actually jiwoo who finds her before sooyoung does. the girl had gotten her number from heejin, who had gotten it from hyejoo. apparently the redhead really needed to speak to her.

she meets her outside the arts building, sitting under a cherry blossom tree.

jiwoo sits beside her and gives her a hesitant smile.

“hey,” she says to the blonde, clearly nervous.

jinsoul greets her back softly.

“look, i’ve been speaking to sooyoung.”

of course. this was about her.

“she says she doesn’t want to know me, but she still calls me every night, telling me things that are really personal,” jiwoo continues.

jinsoul nods, trying not to let the hurt she feels show on her face.

“she told me about your fight. and about how you had been the one dealing with her over the years, and well... i just want to let you know that... she says you’re off the hook.”

off the hook?

she had dealt with everything sooyoung had thrown at her over the past eight years, constantly putting herself last. and sooyoung sends a stranger to tell her she’s ‘off the hook.” yeah, no. that wasn’t going to happen.

jinsoul gives the girl what seems like a reassuring smile and stands up, prepared to go knock the other girls door down when jiwoo grabs her wrist.

oh, fuck.

she hadn’t bothered to cover her tattoo today.

jiwoo looks at it confused for a moment. 

“sooyoung said you hadn’t found your soulmate yet,” she said.

jinsoul just looks down.

“well she says a lot of things that aren’t true,” she spits bitterly.

and then jiwoo’s eyes widen.

“she also said shes the only one who calls you ‘doll’,” she smaller girl continues.

jinsoul sits back down.

the smaller girl stares at her for a beat, and then hurries to apologize. 

“jinsoul, if i knew that you—“ jiwoo starts, before being cut off by the blonde.

“you didn’t know,” she says softly. “she might be my soulmate, but you’re hers. and she doesn’t want me around anymore.”

the redhead’s eyes get teary. clearly she was someone who cared a lot about others.

“if you want to be there for her, by all means. but if you ever feel like you’re suffocating; get out,” jinsoul finishes. 

maybe that was a little harsh.

but jiwoo seems to understand. she nods her head lightly before standing up.

“oh, and jiwoo?”

the girl turns back around.

“don’t tell her about this. tell her you couldn’t find me today.”

——

the school accepts her. of course they do. the dean tells her he’d be delighted to have someone as brilliant as her at his school, and tells her how sorry he is for the family trauma she had been through over the last year.

clearly hyejoo and chaewon had went a little overboard while calling.

she tries to think of a reason to stay. just one.

her sister was happier than ever, her soundcloud shockingly taking off— she was now talking about making a real album. hyejoo was excelling in all of her classes, and she was promoted at the apple store. hyunjin was being scouted by national teams for soccer, and jeon heejin managed to weasel her way into her life. it took a while, but now the girl was constantly happy, always gushing about her soulmate.

and sooyoung—

well sooyoung was the reason she wanted to leave.

that mixed with the very limited progress she could make in the biomedical field at her school.

she keeps thinking of possible reasons to not go, but she can’t even think of one. 

there was nothing left for her here.

so she accepts, and she packs a suitcase.

she tries to say goodbye to sooyoung before she leaves. 

she knocks on the girl’s door, only to be met with the face of jiwoo. jinsoul had asked what the small girl was doing there.

she said her and sooyoung were studying.

studying.

and when jiwoo opened the door a little wider to reveal sooyoung herself, hunched over a book, glasses perched on her nose, she gives jiwoo one last smile before walking away, ignoring the confused shouts of her name behind her.

sooyoung didn’t need her anymore, that was proven in that moment. in the eight years they’ve known eachother, jinsoul had never gotten the older girl to study. and especially not in college.

but sooyoung was trying. and that was because of jiwoo.

she gets chaewon and hyejoo to drive her to the train station the next morning. 

they’re all uncharacteristically silent the 20 minute drive. when they pull in, her sister just looks at her for a moment before saying her final goodbye;

“get out of my car or it’ll start to stink.”

after bidding the two her own tearful goodbye, and offering a whole hearted thank you to hyejoo, who was the very reason she was doing this, she exited the car, grabbing her suitcases.

she’s standing on the platform, and she finally feels like she can breathe. the train pulls in, she puts a single foot onto it.

and then she hears it.

her name being shouted.

she turns just in time to collide into another body.

sooyoung.

the girl was clearly sprinting. “i—i made it, oh thank god,” she pants, cupping jinsoul’s face.

“hyejoo told me you were leaving. you didn’t tell me,” she says, hurt evident in her eyes.

“you didn’t want me around,” jinsoul whispers, not having enough courage to properly speak.

sooyoung doesn’t say anything.

so she pulls away and starts boarding the train.

“wait—“ the taller girl shouts, grabbing her arm.

and for the second time, jinsoul realizes. 

she forgot to cover her tattoo.

sooyoung’s eyes are immediately drawn to it.

and she knows.

“jinsoul...” she breathes, eyes trained on the words marring the blonde’s skin.

“it’s okay, you didn’t know.”

the train conductor calls a one minute warning. 

so she rips her arm out of the other girls grip.

“i love you.”

and that’s the last thing jinsoul says before finding herself an empty seat.

——

eight months into her internship, she gets a call. 

chaewon and hyejoo are getting married.

when her sister screams the news directly into her ear, jinsoul tries to reason with the girl.

“chae, you’re 20, and hyejoo’s 19. you should really put some thought into this. also— isn’t it like two in the morning there?” she says.

chaewon growls— literally growls at her through the phone. 

clearly she’d been spending time with hyunjin.

her sister explains that she knows they’re young, but hyejoo is her soulmate; and she knows that they’ll be together forever.

well how could she argue with that?

then she asks when the wedding is going to be.

chaewon tells her in two weeks, so jinsoul can come home over the break.

two weeks?

her sister hangs up before the older blonde can launch into another rant.

it looked like she was going home in two weeks.

she walks into her lab a few hours later, baring three cups of coffee for her and her friends.

she had been really nervous about the people at the program, but on her first day she found another girl; an australian who spoke korean. her name was roseanne— rosé for short. 

the two had instantly clicked, the red haired girl promising to help jinsoul with her english if in return, the blonde helped her with the advanced math they had to do. a week later, rosé introduced her to another girl, looking just as scared as jinsoul did on her first day.

her name was jennie.

since then, the three had been practically joined at the hip, all of them known for excelling in their program.

of course it didn’t hurt that her professor, ms bae, had taken a liking to the three of them. referring to them as ‘irene’s angels’

jinsoul was happier in los angeles than she had ever been. she felt like she had finally found her place.

—but then she has to listen to the angry rants of her friends when she reveals that she’s going home for the break.

the two girls knew of what happened with sooyoung. jennie was a lot more upset than rosé though, because she had her own horror story to tell about her soulmate.

the words ‘freak’ stood out against the paleness of her skin. apparently some girl from high school named lisa wasn’t very happy with jennie being her soulmate.

“look, i know you two are worried about me, but i’m going to be fine. i’ll be there for my sister and hyejoo, not sooyoung,” jinsoul reasons.

rosé accepts her words, whereas jennie looks even angrier than before.

“i’m just saying, watch out,” the shortest of the trio says before turning her attention back to her work.

jinsoul huffs. it was going to be a long two weeks.

she works tirelessly through the next fourteen days, so that she doesn’t have to take anything home with her when she leaves. so as a celebration for all the hard work, she decides that her and her friends were going out.

she’s three shots in when the bartender asks her a question;

“how badly do you think the soulmate tattoo will burn? i have sensitive skin,” he asks.

jinsoul stares at him before thrusting her wrist out, showing that she had already experienced the pain. 

it’s only when the bartender simply looks from her arm to her face in confusion that she sees it.

her tattoo was gone. 

completely gone.

jinsoul stares at her empty wrist for a few more seconds before stumbling out of the bar, her friends trailing behind her.

when they ask her what’s wrong, she does the same thing she did to the bartender and thrusts our her wrist. 

the three are silent on their walk back to the dorms.

and for the first time since it engraved on her skin, jinsoul really wishes it were there.

——

she can’t tear her eyes away from her blank wrist, even opting not to sleep on her flight just so she can trace the letters that weren’t there anymore.

hyunjin is the one to pick her up from the airport, sporting moveable cat ears and a big paw.

welcome home.

they younger girl talks her ear off the whole ride home about heejin, and how amazing her soulmate was.

jinsoul pretends to listen.

as soon as she walks through the threshold of her family’s home, she’s immediately wrapped in a koala-esque hug by her sister, hyejoo joining in not long after.

after bombarding her with questions she gives vague answers to, the girls finally give her some privacy, leaving her alone in her childhood bedroom.

everything is so similar. her old dollhouse still lay broken in the corner of her room after chaewon had gotten a little too into a round of mario kart. her mathlete awards from middle school still pristinely lined her walls, right above the various gundam models she had built over the years. even the old spider web she had never gotten around to dusting hung lifelessly from the corner of her ceiling. 

and as laughter rings out from the floor below her, she wonders if anything had changed while she was gone.

she huffs and flops onto her bed, taking a much needed nap.

hyunjin and heejin throw chaewon and hyejoo— ‘hyewon’ as heejin calls them— an engagement party.

jinsoul does not want to go. at all.

but she sees the hopeful look in her sisters eyes when she asks if the older girl had an outfit picked out for the night yet, and she melts.

okay, maybe sooyoung wasn’t the only person that could push her around.

sooyoung.

she hadn’t seen said girl since the day she left.

but she knows the girl will most likely be at the party tonight. 

and jinsoul is right, when later that night she finds herself looking at the brunette, completely frozen.

actually she wasn’t just looking at the brunette; she was looking at the now dark-haired girl hanging off her arm.

jiwoo.

but as she looks at them affectionately gazing into each other’s eyes, she only feels happiness for her old friend.

and that’s when jinsoul knows that she’s not the only one who had changed in her absence.

they play stupid party games, listening to chaewon’s new single ‘one and only’ on repeat for hours until jinsoul decides she’s exhausted. 

she steps outside to take a breather, and sits on the front step of the house’s porch.

—she gets déjà vu when she feels another body crouch beside her. 

sooyoung.

jinsoul turns to meet the girls eyes; a soft brown. 

“i didn’t know you got back,” she says quietly.

jinsoul shrugs, giving the girl a small smile.

they sit in silence for a long time.

jinsoul gently presents her empty wrist to sooyoung, watching the girl’s eyes widen.

“it just— disappeared a few days ago,” she explains. “and i think i know why.”

the brunette stares at her quizzically.

“i don’t love you anymore. actually, i don’t even know if i loved you to begin with,” she says. “i think i was in love with a fantasy i had created of you.”

sooyoung nods, inhaling deeply.

and then something really strange happens.

she smiles at her.

a real, genuine smile.

just like the one she thought her soulmate would have.

but she doesn’t feel it.

she feels proud of the girl, and happy that she had come so far, 

but she didn’t feel like she was suffocating.

in fact, she felt like she had just climbed down from a mountain.

“i’m really proud of you, sooyoung.”

they both stand up, re entering the party side by side.

jinsoul takes a deep breath and smiles.

——

the wedding comes before she knows it. she’s chaewon’s maid of honour, along with yeojin who was a bridesmaid. 

chaewon was freaking out to say the least. 

she had been scrambling around the dressing room all morning, mumbling to herself.

she texts sooyoung only to find out that hyejoo is cool as a cucumber.

great, now her sister was going to get cold feet and jinsoul would have to be the one to tell hyejoo.

her and yeojin try and console the manic girl, but chaewon only yelps and pushes them away.

she shoots a quick text to jiwoo, hyejoo’s other bridesmaid. (hyunjin had been banned from the wedding party after she suggested the two play fantastic baby as they walk down the isle)

jinsoul: without alarming anyone in the room.. i need you to send hyejoo in here.

jiwoo: but it’s bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day:((((((((

jinsoul: without alarming anyone in the room... if hye doesn’t get her ass in here now chae is going to jump out this window.

jiwoo: she’s on her way :)

hyejoo bursts through the door, immediately telling the other girls to get out. her and yeojin press their ears to the door as soon as it’s shut.

chaewon starts sobbing, it takes 20 minutes for them to be able to understand a word she’s saying. but when they do, both the girls feel their hearts breaking.

“what if you don’t love me in a few years like jinsoul and sooyoung?” her sister sobs.

ouch.

“that will never happen, chae,” hyejoo reassures her. and after a few minutes of babying her fiancé, hyejoo throws the door open, causing yeojin to fall backwards, directly onto her ass.

“we’re ready.”

she walks down the isle arm and arm with sooyoung.

“you know, this could be you and jiwoo in a couple years,” the blonde jokes, laughing as the taller girl fake gags.

“hell no, i hate weddings,” she whispers back.

but something in the brunette’s eyes told her that if jiwoo asked, she would knock her sister unconscious and steal this wedding right now.

she’s nervous as she stands at the alter, anticipating her sister to start walking down the isle. 

the door opens and jinsoul gasps as she takes in how beautiful chaewon looks. a single tear rolls down her face as she clutches her heart dramatically, sooyoung and jiwoo mocking her from the opposite side of the alter.

but just as the guests stand, and chaewon starts walking, 

she hears it.

“wow, fantastic baby.”

she hears hyejoo’s scream from the back of the church.

——

she’s finally pried off the newlyweds by hyunjin halfway through the reception, once the blonde had gotten all her sobbing out.

she goes to get a shot from the open bar (her own demand) when jiwoo grabs her arm.

“jinsoul, i’ve been looking for you. my friend is here, and she lives in los angeles just like you, she makes music, isn’t that such a coincidence?” jiwoo spouts excitedly.

she opens her mouth to respond but is cut off by the smaller girl shouting.

“oh— oh there she is,” she exclaims, gesturing spastically with her wrist.

jinsoul turns around to see another blonde girl walking towards the pair. 

“jinsoul this is—“ jiwoo starts before the blonde cuts her off.

“jungeun,” she says, sticking her hand out.

she takes it.

“jinsoul,” she says, shaking the girl’s hand.

wow. jungeun was really pretty.

that’s the last thing she remembers thinking before she feels it.

a shooting pain up her wrist.

when she looks at the arm of the other girl, she sees a tattoo starting to form on her wrist as well, the girl groaning as she reaches to clutch it with her other hand.

jinsoul’s worried now. what if this girl hated soulmates like sooyoung? what if she was disappointed in jinsoul being her soulmate like what happened to jennie?

no.

she was done being scared of the soulmate system. if sooyoung, hyunjin, and hyejoo could get over it— so could she.

she musters the courage to meet the other blonde’s eyes.

—and now she might be biased;

but the smile jungeun gives her has to be the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

**Author's Note:**

> hey lol.  
> this girly has been in my drafts for a while, but i’m on ADD tingz so i never got around to editing it. 
> 
> i watched 500 days of summer and this is what came out of it. it’s not good, but my brain would have melted if i didn’t write it so.
> 
> here it is.
> 
> thx for reading:))))))


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